the world on its head

For the first time in my life, planning isn't going as well as I had planned. Craig Dylke is fond of saying that planning is for communists and school girls. I on the other hand have often said that with good information, events and their outcomes will be possible. The "good information" part though is critical. For the longest time, since my second year of high school (7 years ago) I've had kind of a crush on a particular girl. However, my crippling shyness and the fact that I moved 3000 miles away prevented me from ever doing anything about it. We however remained friends and I had always figured that if I moved back to Southern California, I could use the friendship as a springboard for a relationship. Poor foolish me. Last week I called her just to see how things were going when she told me some shocking news. She was gay, a lesbian. She had tried dating guys but found girls better. Well, so much for that plan! After hanging up, I noticed dull pain throughout my left arm, the sure sign of a broken heart.
Look on the bright side, I thought to myself, I can better concentrate on someone else. I had hooked up with a girl at a party only two days before leaving Edmonton for field school and then for South Dakota and figured that things there were promising. After all, in her e-mails to me she had given me a stupidly lovable nick name, a good sign if ever I saw one. She had however neglected to mention that she was seeing someone else. So much for that plan too.
This is also the first time in my life that I'm not certain of where exactly I want to be one year from now. Since Jr. High I had known that I wanted to study paleontology at the U of Alberta. Of course at the time I thought that there were closer ties with the Royal Tyrrell and that there would be dinosaur specialist here (but that's another issue). Now that I need to start picking a grad school. I'm much less certain. I need to take the GRE's and schmooze with potential advisors and see what I'm even going to specifically study next year. I also feel like I need to produce some sort of master work that I can present while I'm applying as sort of the kicker.
I had always planned to be happy and successful at 25. The domino's need to start falling into place. I need a new plan of action. It seems like I'm turning my life on its head, but I need to step it into high gear.
And for somebody who's had 4 complete meals in as many days, i'm surprised how lucid I am.