Diatribus magnanamus

Family (particularly my grandmother), has been asking me what I would like as a graduation gift. We hermits by and large don’t really want for much. My parents are giving me a car (chevy astro van) that they aren’t using anymore, so that takes care of my transportation issues. Odd as it may sound, I certainly don’t want money. I feel guilty whenever family sends a check. So long as I can get by, I’m okay, and a job really helps there.
Obligatory gift giving gets on my nerves. It’s what’s wrong with Christmas. People feel that they have to give you something, because either you or someone else gave them something for the same occasion. For example; I gave a friend a 128 MB USB flash drive as an early graduation present. She’s also been one of my better friends for the last few years and really really wanted one, so I used the graduation as justification for the gift. I got the thing at a really discounted price due to a mix up with some price tags at STAPLES (their doing not mine), and it was really worth it to see her face when my friend opened her eyes and realized that the graduation gift that I was surprising her with was exactly what she wanted. “It’s really too much, you shouldn’t have,” she said. “But I didn’t get you anything, you really didn’t have to.”
“I know,” I replied. “That’s kind of the idea of a gift, its giving even though you don’t feel obliged to. Besides, the gratitude written on your face makes it worth it.”
Just as a side note, I feel sorry for people when they give me things because I don’t emote very much. I look back at the person and on their face I can plainly read “Really, that’s it? I was kind of hoping for a bigger reaction. You know, I put a lot of effort into that. You’re not exactly an easy person to shop for and those aren’t cheap.”
Regardless of whether the giver actually wants to give and derives pleasure from the act, regardless of the intensity of the reaction, feeling that one should or ought to give, makes it less pure. I'll illustrate my point. I've decided to give going away gifts to the other (and not yet gifted) paleo students. This is because I’m committed to being at a farewell dinner with them and because I’m huge on equality and making sure that none of my peers feel excluded. So although there is no cultural pressure or precedence to give, I still have the feeling of obligation. I obviously want to give, otherwise I wouldn’t. The problem is that I really don’t know these people. I’ve only have a class this year with one of them, I don’t know what they like, dislike, prefer in terms of music, art, culture, have or don’t have. We’ve also never seen each other outside of class or official Paleo Society events. Consequentially they are all getting identical copies of a book on the T. rex named Sue, that I picked up from the bargain shelves at the local book store. Beyond the paleo theme, it is in all respects a hollow, meaningless, impersonal way of mollifying these occasional twinges of ethical thought and of making me feel better about myself by affecting what I know will be their last memory of me. The ethical side will really backfire though if my friend (out of sudden feeling of a need to reciprocate gifts) gives me something, I give the other three some things, and they feel awkward and excluded because they didn’t think of gifts.
Really, what I’d like most for graduation; something that I find disturbingly lacking in my life, is a sense of accomplishment. “Wow, four years just flew by! Looking back, I’m glad that I ____ and ____. I really feel like I’ve grown as a person because _____. Moving to another country for University was worth it because ___. Now that I’m done, I’m well prepared to ____, because I now have skills which I can take into the marketplace including ____, _____ and _____.” But unless someone can fill in those blanks, I’ll settle for a “Good job so far. Well, I guess we’ll leave you alone now until you’ve accomplished something. Good luck.”