The Hit Parade

Wow, my life is going great right now! In fact, I think I'll take a moment to reflect on a few of the things that have made it so wonderful.
. I wasn't allowed to write the GRE because I forgot my passport at home despite the facts that I paid over $140 to take it and had all sorts of other government issued ID.
. I have an air mattress which is completely deflated because the nozzle came unglued from the rest of it. I now get to sleep on the floor, cushioned only by a few sheets. It's just like camping.
. The stair-well incident: refer back to "drinking with the profs"
. My diet is entirely composed of potatoes, carrots, coffee, corn, eggs, peas, rye flower, coffee, whole wheat bread, onions, butter, coffee, peanut butter, jam, mr noodle (50% msg), oh and coffee.
. The other day the zipper on my back pack failed, spilling my belongings and a pair of borrowed binoculars onto the icy pavement. I'm still trying to find oneof the lenses from those binoculars.
. I have exams, that I really would rather not take.
. Somehow, I'm always short of money on my one card when I really need to print something.
. Universities have consistently told me that they don't have money to fund me
. In order to lighten the load of what I'll be bringing back at the end of next semester, I'm taking so many fossils across to border, that if I'm caught, I'll certainly face a $50,000 fine and possibly up to one year in prison.
. My frying pan produces more smoke than edible food.
. Today I apparently made it clear to a highly respected member of my field that I support the black market fossil trade (which i don't - all the fossils that I purchase are legally exported from their nation or origin).
. I'm procrastinating studying for an exam that's tomorrow by writing this.
. I keep getting the distinct impression in the back of my mind that there is a god, and that he's mildly perturbed about this whole atheism thing.